First there was Bridezilla (and maybe the occasional Groomzilla), and now a new terrifying creature is striking fear into the hearts of people everywhere - Momzilla! These mothers of the bride or groom operate on the same principle as bridezillas - it's my day, and whatever I say goes! Only these overzealous mothers have forgotten that it is not their day; the wedding is supposed to be about the wishes of the bride and groom.
There are a variety of reasons why a normally sweet natured mother loses her senses during the planning of her child's wedding. Sometimes she really just wants the wedding to be perfect for her daughter, sometimes she may regret not having the wedding of her dreams and sees this as her chance to make up for it, or maybe she is just self-absorbed. No matter the reason, a momzilla can make things really tough on not only the bride and groom, but also the bridesmaids, the wedding planner, the florist, and the caterer. It is especially difficult for the bride when it is the groom's mother acting up, because it is never a good idea for a bride to tell off her future mother-in-law!
Momzillas tend to think that every detail of the wedding requires their approval. One of the main battlefields is the bridal salon. Nothing is sadder than a bride showing her dream dress to her mother, only to have mom reject it. It can be a very sticky situation for the bride when her mother does not like the wedding gown that she wants, especially if mom is the one writing the checks. A note to all you mothers: if your daughter has fallen in love with a wedding gown, please paste on a smile and pretend that you like it, too. It is so crushing for a young woman to have her mother disapprove her choice of gown - it feels like a personal rejection.
Once the bride and her mom have agreed upon a dress, some momzillas will also try to dictate what accessories should be worn. Some of this is simply generational (older women think stockings are a must), but sometimes the mother is being too controlling. The bride should have the right to select her own wedding jewelry, headpiece, and veil. After all, she is the one wearing them! Sometimes a bride can find a compromise; for instance, if your mother wants you to wear her strand of pearls, but you love dazzling jewelry , offer to wear her pearls for the rehearsal dinner. That way, everyone is happy.
One of the worst momzilla stories I know of involved a woman's mother-in-law-to-be. She made a small monetary contribution to the wedding, and the bride and groom were paying for everything else. The problem was that since she had given the couple money, she thought that she had the right to tell them how to spend not only her money, but all of their money. This momzilla had such extravagant demands (such as limos to convey all of her friends to the wedding) that the bride and groom could not even afford a honeymoon! This was a mom gone wild, and her son was afraid to stand up to her. She didn't just torment the bride and groom either -" by demanding that all of her friends (most of whom the bride had never even met) be invited to the bridal shower, she burdened the bridesmaids with hosting an enormous event well beyond their financial means.
Some mothers morph into momzillas when they think that they are defending their children. One mother called up and cussed out a bridal shop owner because she did not think that her daughter should have to pay for alterations to the gown. When the shop owner pointed out that the bride had signed a contract stating that alterations were done at an additional charge, the mom went even crazier (most likely because she knew that she was in the wrong but did not know how to back down gracefully). The lesson here is that while it is wonderful to stick up for your child, if they are old enough to get married, they are also old enough to handle responsibility.
A wedding should be a beautiful occasion that brings families closer together. When mothers forget that the bride and groom are the ones being honored on that special day, things can get ugly. Hopefully, all of you brides out there have sweet, supportive mothers.
There are a variety of reasons why a normally sweet natured mother loses her senses during the planning of her child's wedding. Sometimes she really just wants the wedding to be perfect for her daughter, sometimes she may regret not having the wedding of her dreams and sees this as her chance to make up for it, or maybe she is just self-absorbed. No matter the reason, a momzilla can make things really tough on not only the bride and groom, but also the bridesmaids, the wedding planner, the florist, and the caterer. It is especially difficult for the bride when it is the groom's mother acting up, because it is never a good idea for a bride to tell off her future mother-in-law!
Momzillas tend to think that every detail of the wedding requires their approval. One of the main battlefields is the bridal salon. Nothing is sadder than a bride showing her dream dress to her mother, only to have mom reject it. It can be a very sticky situation for the bride when her mother does not like the wedding gown that she wants, especially if mom is the one writing the checks. A note to all you mothers: if your daughter has fallen in love with a wedding gown, please paste on a smile and pretend that you like it, too. It is so crushing for a young woman to have her mother disapprove her choice of gown - it feels like a personal rejection.
Once the bride and her mom have agreed upon a dress, some momzillas will also try to dictate what accessories should be worn. Some of this is simply generational (older women think stockings are a must), but sometimes the mother is being too controlling. The bride should have the right to select her own wedding jewelry, headpiece, and veil. After all, she is the one wearing them! Sometimes a bride can find a compromise; for instance, if your mother wants you to wear her strand of pearls, but you love dazzling jewelry , offer to wear her pearls for the rehearsal dinner. That way, everyone is happy.
One of the worst momzilla stories I know of involved a woman's mother-in-law-to-be. She made a small monetary contribution to the wedding, and the bride and groom were paying for everything else. The problem was that since she had given the couple money, she thought that she had the right to tell them how to spend not only her money, but all of their money. This momzilla had such extravagant demands (such as limos to convey all of her friends to the wedding) that the bride and groom could not even afford a honeymoon! This was a mom gone wild, and her son was afraid to stand up to her. She didn't just torment the bride and groom either -" by demanding that all of her friends (most of whom the bride had never even met) be invited to the bridal shower, she burdened the bridesmaids with hosting an enormous event well beyond their financial means.
Some mothers morph into momzillas when they think that they are defending their children. One mother called up and cussed out a bridal shop owner because she did not think that her daughter should have to pay for alterations to the gown. When the shop owner pointed out that the bride had signed a contract stating that alterations were done at an additional charge, the mom went even crazier (most likely because she knew that she was in the wrong but did not know how to back down gracefully). The lesson here is that while it is wonderful to stick up for your child, if they are old enough to get married, they are also old enough to handle responsibility.
A wedding should be a beautiful occasion that brings families closer together. When mothers forget that the bride and groom are the ones being honored on that special day, things can get ugly. Hopefully, all of you brides out there have sweet, supportive mothers.
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